How To Enjoy A 50K — Steps 1–5

Early last year I decided to train for a 50K ultra run and blog about the experience. Of course this is nothing new or flashy, plenty of people have done both, but I felt confident I could bring a worthwhile perspective to the process. So on February 4, 2020 I set out to begin.

Step 1 was to wake up slowly from the pre-Covid slumber I already felt I was in. I defined my goal: don’t just complete the 50K but ENJOY it! I had a plan to stretch my body for 45–60 minutes a day (I’m laughing already) with a build up to indoor bike training 5 days a week.

Step 2 was to start training for real. A year ago today, I proudly listed all the resources I intended to rely upon in my bid for a healthy toned body ready to rock an ultra-marathon.

At Step 3 I turned 42 yrs old and told myself, “Don’t panic.” The enormity of the 50K goal was hitting me but I knew with perseverance and follow-thru I could tackle any goal I put in front of myself.

Then, after a few months of me doing very little to advance myself in the direction of my goal, came Step 4: the Covid question. Did I want to put myself at risk in a public race environment? No. Could I still complete my goal but just do it on my own terms away from the crowds? Of course I could!

Except not really, right? Because Step 4 was quickly followed by Step 5: Wait ’til Next Year.

Most of 2020 was spent like this in a state of forgiving myself for giving up on myself.

And I get it. The pandemic has been emotionally taxing for all of us, even those of us, like myself, who have not been immediately affected financially or physically. But now that I’ve lost any sense of muscle tone in my body and feel like I’ve morphed into a depressed sloth . . . Now that I’ve abandoned my hopes, goals, and dreams and settled into a daily repetition of junk food and loathing . . . Now that I am thoroughly disappointed by the hindsight view of the way I spent my 2020 . . . I can’t help but wonder if all this self-forgiveness has done me much good.

Yes, forgiveness is a fundamentally good thing. But too much of a good thing is still too much, no matter which way we slice it. And the truth about me, in my life, is that I respond much better to push, focus, adrenaline, and discipline.

I’m not one to dwell on the past. I very much enjoy and respect forward motion above all else. So here’s to forward motion. Here’s to getting back into the saddle of who I want to be and how I want to show up in the world.

Sending love 💛 and light 💡 along with a sincere wish for everyone’s health and wellness as we make our way to the other side of this pandemic and the dark times that came with it.